


Don't You Cry No More

by TillysTealeaves



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel is canon, Fix-It, Heaven, Internalized Homophobia, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Finale, Season Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27647734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TillysTealeaves/pseuds/TillysTealeaves
Summary: My take on what happens in Heaven, after the Finale. Everyone is writing one and that is okay because it needs to be said a million times over.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 140





	Don't You Cry No More

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so… this happened.  
> Personally, I loved the episode. I think that’s exactly how Dean would want to go out, and I’m glad Sam got the life he wanted. My ONLY criticism could have been fixed with just a “Hello, Dean.” Two seconds. But they didn’t and it spread a thin film of homophobia over the whole thing. Dean and Cas (and honestly the actors too) deserve better. I can’t fix things for the actors. I can do this for the characters.

It was Sam who eventually broke the silence, as they stood side by side on the bridge. “How is everyone?”

The question should have seemed absurd, but given the many less-than-awesome iterations Heaven had gone through, Dean thought it was valid. “Bobby says they’re all great. Jack got Heaven fixed up right. No more jail or locks or any of that dick angel stuff. Well, Jack and Cas.” He felt his face heat up at the mention of their friend. Dammit. This was Heaven. Shouldn’t he be cured from things like blushing?

“Castiel is here?” Sam asked excitedly. He glanced skyward, as though he expected their holy tax accountant to flutter down on big sparkly wings. 

“According to Bobby.”

Sam hesitated for a moment, but managed to push forward with the conversation without even shooting Dean a bitch face. “And Mom and Dad?”

“I don’t know, Sammy. I really haven’t seen anyone yet. Enjoying the endless road with my Baby.”

Sam snorted in disbelief. “Dean. It’s been over forty years. You’re telling me you spent all that time with your car?”

“It hasn’t been!” Dean protested. “Time moves different here. And I don’t think it matches up to Earth time at all, like a year equals a day or whatever. I went on a really long drive. That’s it.”

“Okay,” Sam said carefully. It made sense that Heaven’s rhythm would be so very different, but he still worried that Dean’s long drive was rooted in fear and avoidance more than enjoying the open road. “Should we go say our hellos, then? Together?”

“Sounds awesome, Sammy,” Dean agreed, slapping his little brother on the back before heading toward Baby.

***********

They did indeed say their hellos to John and Mary. They checked in on Charlie. Sam found Jessica, spending eternity with her family. He told Dean that he’d apologized, but she had hugged him and told him it wasn’t his fault, and she was glad he’d been happy. 

Sam found Eileen, his wife of forty one years, and settled in to spend the next forty one millennia with her. The Rainbow Bridge, he told Dean, wasn’t like the stories. All his former dogs hadn’t come running at him the moment he entered Heaven, but they eventually found their way to him. 

Miracle found his way to the brothers too, and though he had lived with Sam longer, it was Dean who he sought out. Dean sat on the porch of the Roadhouse, petting his dog, drinking beer, chatting with Ellen and Jo and Rufus and everyone else who came by- because even in Heaven, the Roadhouse was still a hunters’ bar. 

Bobby was right, he told himself. This was the Heaven that he- that everyone- deserved. And he was happy. Of course he was. Why wouldn’t he be? He had everything and everyone he wanted. 

************************

"How long you gonna wait, boy?” Bobby asked him one night. It was just the two of them sitting on the porch, and they’d been watching the night sky in companionable silence.

“Wait for what?” Dean asked, not knowing what Bobby was talking about. 

“Before you go see him.”

Now Dean knew exactly what Bobby was saying, but he was absolutely not ready to have this conversation. He was sure he never would be. “I’ve seen everyone I need to see.”

“Don’t give me that crap,” Bobby scoffed. “You’re settled in, Dean. You’ve seen your family. Your brother is here and settled too. You’re out of excuses. When are you going to go find that angel of yours?”

“From the way you told it, sounds like he’s kinda running the show here,” Dean mumbled.

Bobby waited. Dean said nothing more. “And?” Bobby prompted, clearly exasperated.

“And that means he’s probably pretty damn busy!” Dean snapped. “Probably doesn’t have time to deal with requests from individual customers.”

“He’ll always have time for you and you know it, idjit.”

Dean sighed. “When I saw him last- when the Empty took him- he said a lot of things and I didn’t- everything was happening so fast and I-“ He stopped. Was he really going to say this? Was he going to say this to Bobby?

“He told me what he said,” Bobby stated in the kindest voice Dean had ever heard him use. “When he broke me out of jail, he told me.”

“Why?” For a moment, Dean was angry. Why would Cas do that to him?

“He wanted to know if you were going to hate him forever for it.”

Dean felt like the worst person in the world. Cas had been so worried that he’d mentioned it to Bobby? And now all this time, when he of course knew that Dean was here, and Dean hadn’t-

Miracle sniffed at his hand, looking for pets. Perhaps he could tell how Dean was feeling, or maybe he just really loved his human and didn’t want to be forgotten. Somehow, it was that that made Dean speak. This dog who had only known him a few weeks on Earth loved him. Sam loved him. Bobby loved him.

“I don’t know what to say to him,” Dean confessed.

“Yes you do. You just gotta say it.”

“He’s an Angel of the Lord.”

“And the Lord is some kid that you two plus your brother coparented. Y’all aren’t exactly textbook, Dean. Besides. He was an Angel. Then he wasn’t. Then he was. But that didn’t ever change what he felt for you.”

“Bobby-“ There was something else he needed to say, something else that he still couldn’t find the words to confess. 

Bobby sighed. “You don’t need to say it, Dean. Look, there’s a lot of reasons I offered to let you two boys stay with me when you were kids. But this thing that you can’t say? That was a big one.”

Dean’s head snapped up and he stared at Bobby, wide eyed. “When did you start thinking that I-?”

“The kid at the Biggerson’s. The waiter. I don’t remember his name but he was on the swim team or something? You were fifteen.”

Dean felt sick, embarrassed over a crush that went nowhere from twenty five years ago. But at the same time, he felt more at peace than he had in decades. Still, Bobby was just one of the important people in his life. 

And of course Bobby knew that too. “Your mom thinks he’s great. He came to talk to her a few times while he was fixing things. First with Jack- who she forgave, of course. Then just Cas. One thing about your mother, Dean, is she’s always been the one to keep your father in line. Or get him to do the right thing.”

Bobby’s words certainly lifted a huge weight off Dean’s shoulders. But now he was running out of excuses. 

“I don’t know how to find him. What am I supposed to do? Drive around Heaven asking to speak to the manager?”

“You can find him, idjit.” Bobby stood. “Now I’m calling it a night.”

********************

By the following afternoon, Dean admitted defeat. He was never going to be able to come up with the perfect script of what to say. He was never going to be ready for this conversation. He needed to simply have it. 

He drove to a field a little way away from the Roadhouse, a little farther away from John and Mary’s house. If this was going to happen, they were not getting interrupted halfway through. The field was full of wildflowers and buzzing with bees. He’d often thought of Castiel when he drove past it. 

He stood in the grass, feeling as ridiculous as he had the first time he’d called out to the Angel by name. Feeling as sure as he had then that the Angel in question wasn’t going to answer.

“Um, Cas?” His voice cracked. He cleared his throat. “Castiel? I don’t know if you can hear me, but um... It’s Dean. Winchester.” This was going horribly and it hadn’t even started yet. Was there a way to unsend a prayer? “Castiel, I need to talk to you.”

There was no sound of wings, no indication that Dean’s prayer had been received. But Dean could feel him standing behind him. He’d always been able to feel Cas. Why? Not allowing himself time to examine that question or any of the others racing through his mind, Dean turned.

Castiel stood before him, wearing Jimmy Novak’s face. No, it was Cas’s face. It had been a part of him for so long that it was now just as much his as the one that Dean would never be able to see. He looked very much like the Angel that Dean had known so many years ago- fully powered up, posture rigid. For a moment, Dean wondered if he should be afraid. But then he looked into those eyes he knew so well. He looked at the firm set of Castiel’s jaw. Castiel had never quite learned how to put expressions on Jimmy’s face, so Dean had learned over time to read the small movements that, once you understood them, were somehow infinitely more expressive than the most animated responses of normal humans.

Now, Castiel was sad. Sad like Purgatory. Sad like Steve working in a Gas-N-Sip. But also hurt and afraid and… and the very worst- resigned. Resigned like the 2014 that never was. Dean had promised himself he would never let that happen. He had to say something. He had to-

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas.” Okay, that was a start. But then… nothing came after it. They stood there staring at each other as they had so many times before. But this was nothing like those times at all.

“What is it you needed, Dean? I hope you’ve found Heaven to your liking.”

He was asking what Dean needed. After everything, after jumping into the Empty, after Dean’s complete radio silence. And whatever Dean asked, he would do. Dean didn’t deserve this. He’d never deserved Cas.

The space between them was so small. Dean reached out and grabbed the Angel, pulled him close against him. He still didn’t speak and he knew he was being unfair, but all he could do was hold this magnificent being to him as tightly as possible. Castiel was still at first, then slowly, hesitantly, he returned the embrace. Dean hated himself all over again for that hesitancy, for making Cas feel anything other than a sense of home from him. “I’m so glad you’re safe,” he finally managed.

“Jack pulled me out,” Castiel explained. The silence stretched on. Neither of them moved. Finally, hesitantly, Castiel spoke again.

“Dean,” Cas’s voice was shaking in a way Dean had never heard before. It made the hunter feel sick. “Those things I said before the Empty. They were all true. But now that we’re both here, here in this place forever. Please, Dean, if you want to just forget you heard all of that, I won’t mind.”

Castiel was trembling. Dean reached to card his fingers through his Angel’s messy hair and realized his own hand was shaking too. “No, Cas. I don’t want to forget it. I don’t want you to feel like you’ve gotta hide from me. I just don’t know what to do with it.”

“You don’t have to do anything. Just be happy here in Heaven, Dean. That’s all I want.”

“I don’t know how to be right for you,” Dean choked out. “I ain’t never been right for you.”

“Of course you have, Dean. From the moment I saw you in Hell, I felt it. Even though I hadn’t learned the words yet.”

“I ruined you!” Dean protested.

“You changed me. And I think you’d be the first to say that this me is an improvement over when we first met.”

Dean didn’t respond, but he also made no attempt to lessen his grip on the Angel in his arms. Eventually, Castiel continued. 

“Dean. I’m in Heaven. Jack is... wherever he is, he’s happy. Before he left, we were able to set things right for all the souls who exist here, all the souls who ever will. Yes, I fell for you. And I would do it a thousand times over with no regrets. But in this version of our story, I didn’t even have to lose everything forever. I’m alright, Dean. I was able to bring heaven back to what it was meant to be. I’ve succeeded. Because of you. Because of who you made me.”

“You got sucked into a pit and I didn’t even have the chance to say anything,” Dean mumbled, turning his head away from Castiel’s in an attempt to hide the blush that Cas could surely feel.

“You could say it now,” Castiel prompted. Then immediately he gave Dean an out, because Cas was too good, too kind, and he’d put Dean ahead of his own wellbeing for far too long. “Or in ten years from now. Or a hundred. Our fighting is over, Dean, and now we have time.”

Dean thought of all the chick flicks that he had certainly never watched. A recurring theme was that the protagonist always had to take some sort of crazy chance for love, put everything on the line, before things would work out. Cas had done that. Repeatedly. It was Dean’s turn.

He stepped back so he could look his Angel in the eyes, but kept a firm grip on Cas’s shoulders. He couldn’t let Cas think for a second that he was pulling away. “I’ll say it now. You say we have forever, Cas, but with our track record, anything can happen.” He paused and took a deep breath. There’d be no going back now. There had been no going back since Cas had said what he’d said. Maybe there’d been no going back since Hell.

“I didn’t know you felt that way. Or that you could feel that way. You’re a freaking Angel of the Lord, Cas. And I’m just- you used to call me the Righteous Man. But I’m not that. I’m not God’s plans. We all sacrificed a lot to prove that. I’m just-“

“Dean,” Castiel interrupted. “You’re Dean. I don’t think I would have been able to articulate it at the time if anyone had asked. But I didn’t fall for the Righteous Man.” Castiel blushed and looked down at his feet. “I’m sorry. Continue.”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m Dean. And honestly, Cas, Dean has a lot of crap going on in his head. And I’m terrible at relationships. In all their many forms. I’m just bad at it. And it seemed kind of- I don’t know. Wrong? Pompous? Creepy? To be into an Angel. But Cas, you’re everything to me. Just as much as Sammy is. You’re my family. And I don’t ever want you to leave us again.”

Castiel looked… crushed. Dean had been aiming for joyful or at least content. He didn’t know where he’d gone wrong. He ran through his words in his head.

Oh. Yeah, no, that was… He suddenly imagined Sam standing beside him, giving him his best bitch face. _Really Dean? At no point in that should the words “Creepy”, “Sammy”, or “Family” come up._ Okay, he could still fix this.

But no, Castiel was pulling away, his entire posture radiating defeat, though he was so clearly trying to hide it. “Of course, Dean. I understand.”

Screw this.

Dean grabbed Castiel by the sleeve of his trench coat and pulled him back in. He didn’t hesitate. He kissed him. Soundly. And Castiel kissed back. The Angel’s technique was admittedly lacking, but he more than made up for it in enthusiasm. It was at this moment that Dean realized that technically, neither of them needed to breathe anymore. He grinned into the kiss.

When they eventually broke apart, (how much time had passed? Minutes? How many years on Earth?) Castiel was glowing. But there was still that hesitation in his eyes, that uncertainty of not knowing where he belonged. Dean swore he was going to end that look for the end of time.

“Told you I’m not good at this. Words aren’t my strong suit, Cas, and there are things along the way that are still going to scare the hell out of me.” Somehow, he knew that Cas knew he meant John. But he remembered Bobby’s words and Sam’s accepting nature and Mary’s goodwill toward the Angel and… and somehow he had faith that it would all be alright. “But I ain’t running. I’m here. And I love you.”

There. That was the expression in those perfect blue eyes that Dean had wanted to see. Dean was going to keep his Angel looking like that forever.


End file.
